“Grace in marriage is divine enablement by the life of Jesus Christ within us so that we can be all that God has called us to be and do all that He has called us to do. Understanding who we are in Christ is the key that unlocks the door to a successful marriage. We are each one with Him, thereby making us one with each other.”
I thought the above passage is quite insightful, especially since I have been learning recently about Christ being a mirror in whom we see ourselves. So I believe the key to a happy marriage or relationship is to have Jesus as our point of reference, and for the husband and wife to see themselves as one with Him, and one with each other. That is how husbands love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her, because he sees her as himself, and not separate from him – she is one with him, so her concerns are his concerns, and when he takes care of her needs, he is actually taking care of his own needs.
“But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.” (1 Corinthians 6:17)
“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” (Ephesians 5:28-29)
So yes, the key for a happy marriage for husbands and wives is not about having rules or about dos and don’ts, but about having a revelation of their oneness in a relationship, and the loving part comes easily/spontaneously/naturally.